


A Crack in the Wall

by whiplashcrash



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: I'm playing with Lasat culture, KAW 2020, M/M, goofballs on Lasan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24060046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiplashcrash/pseuds/whiplashcrash
Summary: On Lasan, the royal palace still stands, but its empty chambers carry more than just whispers of Zeb's long since abandoned dreams for his future. Slipping through the fissures in these walls, Kallus discovers that even if what happened on Lasan is over for Zeb, what will never happen because of the Empire is enough to bring back Kallus's shame in full force.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57
Collections: Kalluzeb appreciation week 2020.





	A Crack in the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> For Kalluzeb Appreciation Week 2020, Day 6: Confession.  
> The room they spend most of their time in is also in the next chapter of Break the Glass, which is finished, but just not published yet. It will probably show up on Tuesday after KAW is over. Been dealing with writer's burnout, but it's finally getting better :)  
> This is one of the few pieces for KAW I've enjoyed consistently, and it's the longest one, so more to read, yay!  
> Enjoy!

Kallus missed his bo-rifle for a number of reasons. The ancient Lasat warrior way, Boosan Keeraw, ate at him for losing the sacred weapon to the Empire, and for not being able to get it back. More than anything else, however, he missed the elegant weapon because every time Kallus saw Zeb, he was almost always without his own bo-rifle, the one the Empire hadn’t taken away. 

Whenever Kallus did see Zeb with it, Zeb almost always flinched, as if the lack of the bo-rifle on Kallus’s back meant his needed to be rid of it, too. Zeb suggested, after Lothal, that they return to Lasan together. 

“It’s not right that you’re without your bo-rifle,” Zeb argued, and wouldn’t hear a word otherwise from Kallus. He’d planned the mission alongside Zeb, using his knowledge of the palace and surrounding city to create a path in, as well as Kallus’s knowledge of Imperial occupation habits to secure them passage through the empty palace. 

Even after everything, after Kallus warned him that occupied planets were stripped of their valuables early on, after Hera needed convincing for three weeks to agree to fly them past the few Imperial ships in the atmosphere, and Zeb’s own admission that it might be for nothing, Zeb was not discouraged. He was practically bouncing off the walls in the ancient stone chambers. 

“The palace is mostly intact since it’s part of the rock wall. A few Imperials here and there, but we should be able to get the pieces we need to craft you a new bo-rifle. They would be in the armory.”

“What makes you think anything will still be there?” Kallus asked, following Zeb around the next turn and a few steps closer to the armory they were trying to reach. “The Empire would have taken anything of value in the entire palace.” 

“Only what they could find.” Zeb said wryly.

Kallus would have asked him what he meant, but the garble of comm-chatter sent him flying in gear. “They’re about to find us!” He hissed, looking between Zeb and either side of the hall, unsure of which way they were to go.

“C’mon, in here,” Zeb said, pulling Kallus by the hand into a crack between the stone walls, and into a face full of vines. Kallus did his best not to gasp in surprise too loudly as Zeb pushed away the green curtain of plant-life and walked into a large open room where their footsteps echoed. 

“Shh!” Claws scraped the fabric of the collar of his shirt and the skin beneath it to pull Kallus from the open crevice. Zeb pressed Kallus up against the wall immediately to the side of where they had come through. 

Though he wasn’t aggressive about it, Kallus’s back hit the vine-covered stone and he grunted when the air was knocked out of his lungs. Zeb loomed over him, moonlight brushing over his striped arms. Those green eyes looked into his and Kallus fought the urge to gasp. 

As if he knew what might happen, Zeb’s hand moved from where it had clutched Kallus’s shirt over his mouth, and the Lasat shook his head slowly.

“Did you hear that?” One stormtrooper asked.

The other stormtrooper scoffed. “No, I didn’t hear anything.”

“It sounded like it came from over there.”

“There’s _nothing_ there.” Said the second irritable one.

“Well, I heard something!”

“I don’t see anything.”

The first, nervous stormtrooper, likely a newer soldier and jumpier, lowered his voice. “What if it’s a ghost?”

The second stormtrooper groaned, as if this were a recurring issue with the younger stormtrooper. “There’s no such thing as ghosts! And if there was, I wouldn’t be afraid of them. Neither should you.”

“You don’t know that!”

“There’s nobody here but us. Come on, we’ll get in trouble if we don’t finish our rounds because you were afraid a big bad warrior ghost was going to get you.” Never had either of the rebels been so glad for the ego of most Imperials blinding them to their surroundings, and as their chatter faded, so did the threat of immediate discovery.

The two stormtroopers passed by, but Kallus didn’t pay attention to their footsteps. Rather being so close to Zeb they were actually touching took over his entire mind. Zeb not moving made his heart thump hopefully. Brown eyes searched green for any sign that might feed the growing wish creeping from the back of his mind. Perhaps it was best Zeb kept him from speaking, because if he hadn’t, Kallus may have said something foolish, something not capable of being swept under the rug named friendship.

The stormtroopers’ steps faded, and Zeb removed his hand from Kallus’s face and backed away into the fullness of the moonlight where Kallus could see him better. “Sorry, I know you don’t like being surprised. I didn’t want to get caught. It could’ve gotten ugly.”

“No, I understand.” It came out a little squeaky, and Kallus cursed himself. Clearing his throat, he stepped out in the same direction as Zeb under the wayward growth of a thousand flowers. A smile slipped onto his face unbidden, and Kallus fought back a chuckle at Zeb’s antics.

The lasat’s ears flattened and he grimaced when the flowers touched his head; it seemed they had grown without restraint for quite some time, possibly since Lasan’s fall. Kallus berated himself for the thought. “Are you alright?”

Zeb shrugged. “As alright as I can be. I just never thought I’d be back here.”

“Really?” Kallus flinched. _Of course, he never thought he’d be back here. You saw to that!_ “My apologies. What I meant to ask was if you were talking about Lasan or the palace.”

“I mean, both, I guess. But I’m talking about this room. It’s so different from when I was here the last time.”

“Different how?”

“Emptier, colder. Forgotten.”

“Oh, Zeb.” Kallus reached out to touch the back of his friend’s shoulder but drew his hand back quickly when he realized his comfort was likely the last thing Zeb wanted. “I’m so sorry.”

The ex-Imperial backed away and stepped towards the center of the open stone chamber. Kallus’s boots echoed no matter how softly he attempted to tread, wishing he could somehow silence his own retreat of shame deeper into the room. Kallus looked up in wonder through the twisting green vines, seeing each of the three moons in the night sky in a different place.

At his feet, the floor changed, prompting Kallus to look down and see a large ring of lasana carved in the stone before him. Kallus traced the ancient glyphs with his fingertips, crouched near the floor in wonder at the odd room Zeb had brought him to. Kallus’ eyes fell on the back of the Lasat, who had remained silent since before Kallus had retreated. 

Turning to look at Kallus, Zeb sighed. “This is a sacred place.”

“It is?” Kallus jerked his hand back from where his fingers had brushed the stone, guilt rising up to take hold in his heart.

Zeb nodded, but walked closer to where Kallus was crouched on the ground to sit beside him. “This used to be a place where we worshiped the Ashla. Now? It’s nothing but a bunch of old memories.” 

“I’m sorry.” The words were all that came to mind. There wasn’t much else for him to say to Zeb.

Zeb waved his hand to dismiss the grief, but Kallus wasn’t sure it worked. “Don’t be. I’m not too spiritual anyhow, not anymore. I’m not even sure why we’re still here. We came here to get you a bo-rifle, after all, and this isn’t the armory.”

Kallus flinched, looking away from Zeb. “Right.”

“Hey,” Zeb frowned, one hand reaching out to touch the side of Kallus’ face. “Don’t go blaming yourself. The Empire did this.”

“Garazeb, this is your home.” Kallus reminded him.

“This _was_ my home.” Zeb amended. “It isn’t anymore. Not when I have friends, family, like you and Hera, and everyone who’s been on the Ghost with us.” 

“Me?” 

Zeb barked a laugh. “Yes, you! I wouldn’t come back here for just any old friend to build a bo-rifle with.”

Kallus wished he’d learned how not to blush under those kind eyes of the lasat. “I’m honored you would even consider it.” His eyes didn’t quite meet Zeb’s.

“Something’s bothering you.” It wasn’t a question.

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Kallus said dismissively, sitting down besides Zeb and thumbing over the carved markings in the floor beneath him. Ancient paint on the inside of the ring of writing caught his attention. It was astonishing, and something Kallus suspected would have awed Sabine. 

“Yeah, well I’m worried about it.” Zeb said. He smiled though his ears were still tilted downwards. “Come on, if you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine.”

“My what?”

“Whatever’s eating at you!” Zeb’s smile grew, and he playfully shoved Kallus.

Kallus looked up with a faint smile of his own. “Zeb, you don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah,” Zeb shrugged. “But I want to.”

Kallus rolled his eyes. “Do I have to go first?”

“I can, if you’d prefer that. But you have to promise you’ll tell me after, okay.”

“I give you my word.”

Zeb chuckled, and looked at Kallus with the same green eyes he’d grown to adore more with each passing day. “This room is a smaller version of a temple, an ancient temple, as old as the palace, that’s out in the city. It’s where all kinds of festivals and big parties happened, and the same flowers grew there, too. We’d hold funerals there, but the temple was where we’d have uh- in Basic you’d call them weddings. They’re not really the same thing on Lasan, but the same idea.”

Kallus nodded, his heart sinking. “I see.”

“Well, I’d always wanted one of those big crazy weddings. The ones that went on for days and ended with everyone completely drunk, and with all the flowers and lights and you know, the person I was celebrating with.” Zeb’s ears twitched, and he looked up back at where they’d come in from, holding up one hand. 

Whatever Zeb heard Kallus knew it wasn’t good. A few moments later, Kallus heard the grumble of chatter on a standard-issue Imperial radio and the footsteps of at least two stormtroopers making their way down the hall. They didn’t stop, and the fading footsteps allowed both of them to relax.

Kallus stayed silent even after the stormtroopers had gone, fighting the urge to try and envision himself at Zeb’s side at one of those blissful ceremonies. His mind offered a few tempting scenarios. 

Ones where they were surrounded by all the Spectres, some members of Rebellion, and every Lasat his imagination could conjure. Ones where Zeb held him for longer than the moments in between being caught by stormtroopers. Ones where Zeb looked at him like he was the most wonderful person in the galaxy; much like Kallus knew he looked at Zeb when the Lasat wasn’t watching, just as he was in that moment.

“It sounds wonderful.” Kallus confessed, knowing his own imagination likely paled in comparison to the real thing. “I’m sorry you won’t get that chance now.”

“Who says I won’t?”

Sighing, Kallus’s guilt took over, and though it wasn’t difficult to slip in the cold voice he’d used for years, and easier than letting his voice waver, it felt wrong nonetheless. “The Empire controls Lasan. Even if we did manage to retake your homeworld, Zeb, I fear it would never be quite the same as you’d hoped.”

The wind howled in the open air above them and Zeb watched as Kallus tilted his head back to look up at the flowers on the vines above their heads.. “Well, you’re right about one thing. I’d have to have it somewhere besides Lasan, but I’d still have the celebration with the friends and family I’ve got now.”

Zeb’s optimism never ceased to amaze him. “Right, of course.” 

“You’d be there, too you know.” Zeb said. 

Kallus looked back down at Zeb. _Why would he say-?_ “I would?”

“Karabast, Kal, of course you would.” Zeb insisted, one large hand reaching to clap Kallus’s back, but he stopped, and instead placed it down gently.

“Right, since we’re friends.”

Zeb sighed, and pulled back his hand with such a conflicted face it worried him. Kallus looked at him with big open eyes, fear rippling through his muscles. He tensed and fought between reaching for Zeb and burying himself in his guilt. 

“What if I said we weren’t there as friends?” Zeb asked.

Kallus wrestled the hope back into his cage, knowing his pragmatism would be ready to take its place. There was no way Zeb would ever think the way Kallus hoped he would, especially not with the expression he was wearing. “Then as family?”

Zeb hesitated. “Aw, karabast, I’m no good at this.”

“No good at what?” Recoiling with a flinch, Kallus swallowed anxiously.

“At telling you about feelings and stuff,”

Kallus raised an eyebrow. “‘Telling me about feelings and stuff’”, Garazeb?” Looking up at the Lasat, Kallus could see Zeb’s ears falling and his face taking on a series of expressions he’d never seen from Zeb before. “What feelings?”

“Just the ones, you know.” Zeb shrugged haphazardly. Silence wrapped its cold hands around his neck and Zeb cleared his throat as if it would shake off the panic wordlessness struck him with.

“Ones you have?” Kallus struggled to give him the bridge to express himself. 

“Yeah. Ones I’ve got.”

Kallus sighed. “About what?” 

“About you.”

“Me?” Kallus cocked his head with a dumbfounded stare.

“Yeah, you.”

“You,” Kallus flexed his jaw as if to test the words before they rolled off his tongue. “Are incapable of expressing your feelings about me to me?”

“That if the only other person besides me was at that wedding was you, I’d be the happiest guy in any corner of the galaxy?” Zeb asked. “Yeah, I’m… I’m saying that.”

“You’re saying you have feelings for me?”

“I-yeah. Karabast, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I get it if you don’t, you know, feel the same. Don’t know why you would.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” Kallus asked.

Zeb was going to say something. He opened his mouth but Kallus turned to look over his shoulder and shook his head.

It was Kallus’s turn to wave his hand for them to be silent. They waited for the stormtroopers to pass in silence, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t see Zeb look at him with desperation soaking up every part of his face. 

The words came spilling out, and Zeb looked so ashamed, Kallus’s heart sank. “Cause I’m me, a rough and down in the dirt Lasat, and you’re you. Brilliant, silver-tongued, brave and kind-hearted Coruscanti.”

“And an ex-Imperial who’s the reason you can’t have the celebration you’d always wanted on your homeworld.” He retorted.

“Aw, Kal, we’ve been over this.” Zeb said exasperatedly. 

“And It’s my fault,” Kallus said, “Maybe not entirely, but look at this place-”

“That’s not the point!” Zeb said sharply. “Kal, I’m saying I care about you.”

“Enough to casually sprinkle in mentions of lifelong commitment?”

“Fine. Karabast, you’re making this so hard. I love you, alright? There, I said it. I fell in love with you and I’ve just been waiting for you to notice it!”

“ _Zeb_ ,”

He shook his head, standing up from where he’d been sitting on the stone next to Kallus. “Nah, don’t say anything. We should just go.”

“Zeb, wait.” Kallus raised his voice. It echoed in the room louder than their whispers, but he couldn’t find it in himself to mind it when he pushed himself onto his feet. “I feel the same.”

“What?” The Lasat looked up with such hopeful eyes Kallus felt the hope creep out from underneath the lid he’d put over top of it.

Kallus opened his mouth to say it again, but froze, hearing the footsteps of yet another pair of stormtroopers. If the twitch in his ears was any indication, Zeb knew exactly why he hadn’t answered the question. Blood rushed in his ears, and Kallus’s breath hitched, because if Zeb kept looking at him like that, he’d have a hard time not giving away their position to the Empire.

When the kriffing stormtroopers were gone, Zeb’s green eyes tore through the air, and Kallus swallowed under the intensity of being stared at by the Lasat. “What did you say?”

“I said I feel the same. I love you, Zeb.”

“Since when?” Zeb perked up. Kallus watched his smile fade as the gears turned in Zeb’s head. Zeb’s earnestness vanished, and he folded in on himself, ears pressing against his skull when his face fell. “You don’t have to spare my feelings just cause you feel like you owe me.”

“It’s not that!” Kallus took a step closer, hands reaching out for one of Zeb’s, but stopped himself before he did. “I’ve been hopelessly in love with you for ages, Zeb.” 

“Ages? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Kallus flinched. “You can probably guess why.”

“I don’t know.” Zeb gestured broadly, and he shrugged. “You were scared?”

“Yes!” Kallus clung to the admission, despite it going against his every instinct to be as unfalliable as he wished he was. “Of course, I was afraid; I fell in love with you.”

“You aren’t afraid of anything,” Zeb said, crossing his arms as if to shield himself from Kallus’ pleading eyes. “Why would you be scared of falling in love with me?”

“Because I could never deserve you. I still can never deserve you.” The long-festering inadequacies he’d cooked up for himself over years of self-loathing formed the words easily.

Zeb it seemed, wasn’t having anything to do with them. “Why not? I love you, how could you not deserve me?”

“It has nothing to do with who you are. It’s because of who I am. I’ve always believed you deserve better than me.” And Zeb did. He truly deserved someone capable of being the person who could be worthy of being loved in that way Kallus knew Zeb was capable of.

“What? Why?”

He scoffed, fighting back the urge to pull away and hide in some corner of his mind. “Because I’m an idiot Coruscanti who blindly followed the Empire and you pulled me from the wreckage of my existence. I was grateful you’d even extended your hand, much less remained by my side. I couldn’t risk losing that; losing you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me. Kal, why would you think that?”

“Because I couldn’t hurt you again and let myself be forgiven, not again. I’d have to leave if you knew and didn’t feel the same. Even if you didn’t love me, you’d be crushed. I know you. I know who you are, you fool Lasat, and you’d feel so guilty for not feeling the same way, it would consume you. You’re too noble, too good for someone like me.”

“Says the self-sacrificing, noble, good man who’s done a thousand things for the Rebellion,”

“And ten thousand more for the Empire.”

Not missing a beat, Zeb took Kallus’s hands at his waist and looked down at him so intensely it sent ripples down the blond’s spine. “I don’t care.” 

“Tell that to this place, to your homeworld. To your _people_.” Kallus’s eyes darted around the neglected room and back at Zeb, fear taking the place of his shame, but he didn’t fight the tender hold the Lasat had on him.

“I’m telling you.” Zeb insisted, “I don’t care.”

He was running out of excuses. “You do care. You care enough to tell me, someone who was once your greatest enemy, about the biggest hopes and dreams of your home planet. Dreams I crushed.”

“Yeah, my dreams changed because of you, but not like that. I dream about you, Kal.” Zeb said. “I dream about you with me on whatever planet you and I find ourselves on after the war and every moment after that. I dream about marrying you, or taking you as my mate, I don’t care which. I dream about having you to myself, without being so kriffing scared you’ll see some human who’s better for you and run off without me.”

“That’s ridiculous, no one could be better than you.” Kallus mumbled.

“And you want to push me away?”

“No. I want you to love me. I might never deserve you, but you love me, fool Lasat, and that’s what I am trying to tell you!” Kallus leaned up closer to Zeb and took his face in his hands and kissed him. If the hunger behind Zeb’s growl was any indication, Kallus knew he would never be kissed by anyone else the way he was by Zeb.

When he was weak at the knees and when Zeb’s eyes opened again, he was grinning. “I will love you. I do love you. But Kal, I have no kriffing idea what you’re trying to tell me.”

His laugh echoed in the open chamber, but Zeb’s gaze was so tender it nibbled away at Kallus’s mix of emotions until his heart fluttered. “No matter how many reasons I should, I’m too selfish to tell you to be happy with someone else.” 

“That’s not selfish.” Zeb shook his head. “That’s love.”

“Well, I didn’t know if it was a possibility, Garazeb.”

“I’ve been dying to tell you, or to see any sign you might be willing to see me more than just a friend.”

“Well, I suppose this is as good a sign as you’ll ever get.”

“You going to try and push me away?” Zeb asked.

“I don’t know that I’d have the strength to do so.”

“I’m serious, Kallus.” Zeb said.

“So am I.” The ex-Imperial insisted with a faint blush. “I’d fail quite miserably if I ever attempted to give you up for your own good.”

“That wouldn’t be good for anyone, let’s make that clear. I’m not a child; I can decide for myself what is and isn’t good for me. I say you’re good for me. And we’re going to be in this together.” Zeb said, weaving fingers between Kallus’s own and squeezing while his other hand snuck its way through soft blond locks. He nudged them out from behind Kallus’s ear and watched them brush along the side of his face with a smile. 

His heart thumped, and his cheek tickled with the free-flowing hair against it, but Kallus couldn’t bring himself to care. “So, we’re a team?”

“You and me.” Zeb said. His green eyes were softer than Kallus had ever seen them. Zeb looked down at Kallus and thumbed over the small bit of skin underneath Kallus eye with an adoring smile. 

“Kal?”

He hummed, trying his best to listen to Zeb even if his mind was practically in another galaxy. “Yes Zeb?”

“I love you, Kal,” Zeb said firmly. 

Relieved laughter slipped past his lips, and Kallus looked up at Zeb with adoring eyes. “And I love you, Zeb.” His mind wandered back to thoughts of beautiful Lasat weddings, and even if it would be near impossible, Kallus promised himself that if it came to it he would marry Zeb amongst his people, Lasat or otherwise.


End file.
